The Top 10 Other Films Mel Gibson Can Make to Get Back in With the Jews
Well, well, well. Now that Mel Gibson is making Jewish Braveheart, or “Jewheart,” I am back to writing Top 10s. I have been promising myself and our editor-in-chief of articles and reviews, Mateo Moreno, that I would start writing again, but felt uninspired. Then, yesterday, Mel Gibson announced that he will be making a new film about Jewish hero Judah Macabee. http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118042458?refCatId=13
I’m not really a total Mel-hater. Nobody can deny that Braveheart is a great movie and even Apocalypto is tolerable after a few drinks. Who can hate a man without a face? I feel for Mel. He’s a talented man who is always seeking redemption, but he unfortunately messed up so publicly. I just wonder about his choices. Why not stay away from religion all together?
If Jewheart is really Mel’s shot at redemption, here are the Top 10 Other Films Mel Gibson Can Make to Get Back in With the Jews:
10 - Bennie and the Jets - Bennie Bernstein lives miles away from JFK airport and he is upset that the new jet flight path goes right over his house. He calls his local congressman to complain.
9 - The Avengers - Albert Einstein, Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, Mel Brooks and Woody Allen have teamed up to save the world.
8 - Excommunicated - A film that gets rid of all of the Jews that nobody wants to claim as their own, like Bernie Madoff, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Screech, and Kenny G.
7 - Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner - Mel makes an appearance in this one about a Jewish family whose attitudes are challenged when their daughter brings Mel Gibson over for dinner.
6 - The Beaver: The Life of Gertrude Stein
5 - What Women Don’t Want - A music video remix of the secretly recorded tapes of Mel and Oksana. Because, “I deserve to be blown before the hot tub,” never gets old.
4 - Yentl 2 - They have remade Footloose and are remaking Dirty Dancing. You can top them, Mel, by directing a sequel to Yentl.
3 - Anne Frank, the musical - Because it would be funny.
2 - Angels in the Outfield 2 - This time, the angels will be Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg and Rod Carew. Joseph Gordon-Levitt can still be the optimistic kid who thinks the Angels can win.
1 - Braveheart - Please stick to what you’re good at.
Note - The Passion of the Christ made serious money and if Jewheart, the Judah Maccabee Story is good, as I suspect it will be, Mel Gibson might have the highest grossing Jesus film and the highest grossing Hanukkah film. That's pretty f*cked up.