THE TOP 10 WORST MOVIES TO WATCH ON A PLANE
BY DANI FAITH LEONARD
The method by which films are chosen to show on planes has always been a mystery to me. My friend just came back from Amsterdam (on a plane full of wasted adults) and was forced to sit through Nanny McPhee. Here are the TOP 10 WORST MOVIES TO WATCH ON A PLANE:
10 - Red Eye // It’s hard to sleep when you have to worry about the dude sitting next to you kidnapping you.
9 - Air Force One // Cheesy Russian terrorists are not so scary anymore, but can definitely shake you up if you are flying intoxicated.
8 - Alive // As if the crash isn’t horrifying enough, thinking about which passengers you would eat to stay alive is probably not ideal, especially if you are flying coach.
7 - Final Destination // A plane crash so bad that you suffer through it in 2 hrs of premonitions requires more than one bloody mary and I’m pretty sure they charge you after the first one. (They should want you to get wasted, however. Then you might be the only person to ever actually order anything from those in-flight magazines.)
6 - Outbreak // You don’t want to watch anything that leaves you scoping out passengers who you might suspect of carrying airborne illnesses.
5 - United 93 // Too realistic, too scary, will always be too soon.
4 - Snakes on a Plane // No, it’s not a bad plane movie because of its believable plot. You will probably never find a snake in your overhead compartment (although that might be a funny prank to play if you are quitting an airline). It’s just that on a plane, isn’t it bad enough that you are confined for several hours? Do you also have to suffer through the best-worst movie of all time?
3 - The future movie that will be made about super-pilot Sully Sullenberger // This guy amazed me. Never has someone been so glorified for doing his job. His landing on the Hudson was awesome and he should be recognized for saving many lives. But did this guy need to be recognized at every public event for two years??? Everywhere you looked, Sully was throwing out the first pitch, accepting an award, sitting behind the Obamas at the inauguration. I guess it’s only natural that this guy will have a movie about his story. I’m sure it will be called “Miracle on the Hudson.” I’m pretty sure Jon Voight, or Chuck Norris or (insert other cheesy actor name here) will play Sully. And I’m sure it will be unavoidably hilarious when he hits those geese.
2 - Titanic // No, you didn’t read that incorrectly. I know this movie has nothing to do with planes, but hear me out. On my last flight I was sandwiched in by a fat Pakistani man and a fatter Mexican (their nationalities don’t matter, I just want you to have a visual). Imagine watching a disaster, while sitting in a disaster? Imagine the constant sound of running water when getting out of your seat and to the bathroom would be a miraculous feat?
1 - The Hottie and the Nottie (starring Paris Hilton) // Just because.