DEAD MEAT RISING // A FILM REVIEW OF "WITNESS INFECTION"
Carlo (Robert Belushi) is your everyday nice guy, working at a dog grooming salon along with Gina (Jill-Michele Melean) the girl he has a crush on. His cousin Vince (Vince Donvito) hangs around a lot with his camera, filming this and that and talking about how he wants to make films. It's an ordinary life, one that Carlo would be happy to keep living. Unfortunately, Carlo is also the son of a mob boss, Mr. Serrelli (Carlos Alazraqui) and until now he's been able to stay out of the family business. But the FBI has mistakingly put two mob bosses in one town under witness protection, something that could only be a plot line in a broad comedy (the other mob boss is Mr. Miola, played by Maurice LaMarche. To keep the Miola family from killing his other son Dominic (Bret Ernst), he agrees to have Carlo marry Mr. Miola's daughter Patricia (Erinn Hayes). Don't try and strain your brain figuring out why, because it doesn't make any sense. Sadly for Carlo, it looks like his work crush may be hitting the skids. That is, until a strange illness begins to take over the town and turn the residents into walking nightmares. Welcome to the Mob and Zombie mash-up that is WITNESS INFECTION.
First off, there is A LOT of potential in this set-up. To have a truly silly, bloody and clever Mob/Zombie film sound sounds like a lot of fun. And it's clear that the cast and crew fill this movie with their love and dedication. But it's just... not good. It's not terrible either but instead sits in a very mediocre way that you will forget it almost instantly after you watch. The biggest sin of this comedy/horror film is that it's not funny or scary. Sure, there's a few solid lines, but most of the dialogue is either made up of outdated ethnic stereotypes or tries to go for a kind of wannabe Tarantino-vibe, where all of the characters are so obsessed with movies they quote them all the time. However, the cleverness that Tarantino has mastered is nowhere near this. The other huge sin of the film is that so much of it feels just slapped together. The film doesn't look great, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, being that it's a low-budget horror. But the script doesn't ever make much sense and any big chess piece plotlines that you may need for the plot is usually told by a character while giving a monologue instead of us actually seeing it.
There are some really fun actors within the film giving their all. Jill-Michele Melean (who also co-wrote the film), Carlos Alazraqui and especially Monique Coleman are all great. Coleman shows up in the films best scene set inside a bar, and even though her character showing up doesn't really affect anything in the plot, I'm thankful she's here, because she's the best thing in the film, showcasing charisma and attitude to spare. She gives the film a short but much needed bolt of energy. WITNESS INFECTION s VERY bloody, low-fi and the running time is very short. I haven't even mentioned all of the unneeded (and very unfunny) fart humor as the Zombies turn or die and the terribly out of place very bad rom-com like score, which may drive you a little crazy yourself. But if you love Trauma films or simply need to escape our current reality for an hour and a half, WITNESS INFECTION may be just for you, even if it wasn't for me.
GRADE: C-
WRITTEN BY Carlos Alazraqui, Jill-Michele Melean DIRECTED BY Andy Palmer STARRING Robert Belushi, Jill-Michele Melean, Vince Donvito, Carlos Alazraqui, Monique Coleman, Maurice LaMarche, Bret Ernst, Erinn Hayes. NOW AVAILABLE ON VOD. FOR MORE INFO: WITNESS INFECTION