The Top 10 Worst Calendars to Give as Gifts
BY DANI FAITH LEONARD
I had some time to go shopping the other day and the inevitable has happened - the Holidays are in full swing. There are tons of stands and kiosks offering the best gifts for your friends and family. One gift that people seem to love to give - calendars.
Do we even use those anymore? When I say, “Hold on, let me check my calendar,” I’m usually referring to my Blackberry. But if you give that calendar stand a closer look it’s pretty hilarious. Do you really want to look at 12 months of cats? Sites like Cafepress even allow users to create and sell their own calendars.
Here are my Top 10 Worst Calendars to Give as Gifts (along with better options):
10 - A Personalized Calendar of Your Family
Better gift // Same calendar with a package of darts.
9 - The 2011 Anti-Obama Calendar - It’s ok to not like our president but if you hang up a calendar with angry, racist images of anything in your home, you are a pretty sick person.
Better gift // 2011 KKK calendar.
8 - 2011 Celebration of Squirrels
Better gift // Anything.
7 - Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar // I’m not buying you a calendar that I know you’re going to whack off to. You can buy that yourself.
Better gift // Oil, Kleenex and a 2011 Betty White Calendar.
6 - 2011 Richard Simmons Inspiration Calendar // I don’t know how inspiring a calendar of Richard Simmons photos would be as far as weight loss is concerned. The one thing this calendar will do - make you lose friends when they come to your apartment.
Better gift // Kirstie Alley Calendar. Don’t want to munch? Keep this on your fridge.
5 - Hurricane Katrina Wall Calendar
Better gift // A therapist, Xanax and a recording of Annie Lenox singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water” for you to cry to. WTF is wrong with you?
4 - Brett Favre Calendar
Better gift // Brett Favre’s Penis Calendar. Celebrate every day with a hilarious pic of Brett’s member.
3 - Justin Bieber Calendar // It’s only ok if you’re under the age of 16.
Better gift // The Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber Calendar.
2 - Bohemian Cats // The description inside the calendar reads “Bohemian Cats Wall Calendar: For lovers of cats, costumes, fairy tales and the gently bizarre, the exquisitely illustrated Bohemian Cats 2011 Wall Calendar invites readers into a fantastical world where gorgeously dressed cats go about their business in a theatrical setting of lavish castles, Baroque gardens and rustic Bohemian inns.”
Better gift // A professional organizer and cleaning crew. If you own this calendar you probably live in one of those houses on Hoarders.
1 - The 2011 Mel Gibson Calendar // Cause nothing says “Happy New Year” like “I deserved to be blown before the hot tub!” or “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”
Better gift // A 2011 Mel Gibson INSULT Calendar. This doesn’t exist yet, of course. But it would be amazing.