The Top 10 Worst Film/TV Pitches I’ve Ever Heard
BY DANI FAITH LEONARD
I’m not sure why, but whenever people find out that you work in the film industry they feel the need to pitch you their idea for a movie or TV show. Here are the Top 10 Worst Film/TV Pitches I’ve Ever Heard:
10 - Aspiring film producer: “I’m working on a piece about naked female vampires that roam around New York City and eat/fuck every man they see, but especially Hipsters. I have a part in it for you. I really see this as an art piece.”
9 - First-time director: “My film is about an all-female zombie army. I’m working on getting Sandy Bullock or Jen Aniston.”
8 - Aspiring writer: “I’m writing a TV show about this group of friends who are trying to make it in Hollywood. I’m thinking of going after Kevin Connolly.”
Me: “Like Entourage?”
Him: “I can’t believe somebody copied my idea. Should I sue?”
7 - A girl is trapped in a building and instead of trying to escape she takes some drugs and re-imagines Alice in Wonderland. (I actually auditioned for this film.)
6 - Writer: “A couple trying to save their marriage tie themselves to a bench and they stay there for the whole film.”
Me: “I hope it’s a short.”
5 - Orthodox Jews go under cover and infiltrate Las Vegas to alter the financial records of the casinos. The tagline: Nobody does it better.
4 - Dude at Starbucks: “I’m writing this film about a girl who leaves a dance class and you can see through her leotard.”
Me: “And...”
Him: “That’s all I got.”
3 - A musical version of Independence Day with puppets. (This one actually has the potential to be awesome.)
2 - “My movie is about two boys who grew up together and now they are seniors in high school shooting dope. All of the young Lohans are going to star. It’s got legs, it can run. It’s got wings, it can fly.”
Me: “Can it swim? Cause then I’m in.”
1 - A TV competition show where the contestants are all vying for one job. The catch - the job will suck and they’re boss will be a workaholic with orange hair. Wait, just kidding. That’s The Apprentice.