Top 10 // It’s Kind of Funny...
BY DANI FAITH LEONARD
10 – “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”and Apocalypto were both on TV simultaneously. I watched a little bit of both. One was about primitive people shooting at things. The other was directed by Mel Gibson.
9 - The people with the worst road rage tend to have a Jesus fish on the back of their cars.
8 - According to an Atlanta, Georgia ordinance, “smelly people” are not allowed to ride public streetcars. Why can’t this be enforced on an NYC subway?
7 - Why do stress relief candles smell so stressful?
6 - Three quarters of the homeless people that I come across in Harlem claim to be reverends or ministers. Through what church were they all ordained?
5 - If you release a movie called Green Hornet, how do you not expect reviews to have titles like “Stung by the Green Hornet,” or “Green Hornet - Get the Flyswatter”?
4 - These are real law firms - Payne & Fears, Weiner & Cox, Boring & Leach
3 - According to a report on marijuana, it would take 800 joints to kill a person and that person would die from Carbon Monoxide poisoning. It would take less than 50 drinks in one hour to kill a 300 lb. man. One of these substances is illegal and the other is not. Discuss.
2 - These laws really exist:
- In Kansas, when two trains meet at a crossing, “both shall come to full stop and neither shall start up again until the other has gone.”
It is against Michigan state law to tie a crocodile to a fire hydrant.- First cousins may marry in Utah, but only after they’re 65 years old.
- It’s illegal to ride an ugly horse in Wilbur, Washington.
1 - In 1991, Marlon Brando had to miss Charlie Sheen’s birthday party. This was his excuse:
Dear Charlie,
I'm feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick. I'm holed up in bed and taking everything from sled dog urine to powdered East Indian vulva — maybe won't work tomorrow if I feel the same.
I really feel bad for not showing up at your birthday bash but I really feel shitty and best stay in bed. I don't have much of a selection. I'm sure it will be a kick in the ass and I hate to miss it —
Happiest of birthdays to you, Charlie.
Love,
Marlon
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